Are You Feeling a Bit Lost When Writing Affirmations?
At the recent Mindset and Goal Set workshop we spoke briefly about affirmations and what a fantastic motivational tool they can be, when done right. Firstly let me give you a quick confirmation of what they are and how they work.
An affirmation, or “I am” statement, is a statement which you would normally say out loud to affirm a positive belief. This is recommended as a daily practice to program your subconscious into more positive self talk and so we can start to address “Limiting Beliefs”. At the recent workshop we covered Limiting Beliefs; which are irrational, negative beliefs we have about ourselves. They hinder us from our goals and true potential. They are small seeds of doubt planted in our mind, most commonly from childhood, and have evolved into crippling- and stubborn– beliefs we have about ourselves. Affirmations is a tool used to combat the limiting beliefs which are essentially negative programming.
According to Dr DeMartini, an expert in human behaviour, people’s characters aren’t set in stone in terms of traits. A person can be “lazy” at times and then proactive in certain situations. A person can be confident but can also be shy in certain scenarios. It all depends on the situation at hand and what we believe about ourselves.
We are all capable of changing behavioural habits but it is important to bear in mind that these unwanted habits have been nurtured for years and fuelled by our negative self talk- that little voice in our heads telling us off all the time. So, it’s gonna take time to gradually make the shift right?
If your best friend was in need of encouragement to make a difficult change you would never speak to them how we speak to yourself, why? Because it would demotivate them completely! So why do we do it to ourselves and expect miracles?!
Affirmations are not glamorous, they are a daily practice, they can feel silly, they can sometimes even feel pointless. But to counteract the subconscious and negative self talk they are more needed than they feel! Affirmations reprogram your mind, your habits, your outlook. But they are not an overnight fix nor are they a flashy solution- they are a quiet champion in self love and appreciation. All you need to do is start and trust the process.
Affirmations can be used with your goal in mind and can also (and more efficiently) be used to counteract any Limiting Beliefs about yourself. I have put together some of my favourite styles of affirmations. There is an optional task to help you at the end of this blog, if you want to share your task or have any questions please leave a comment at the end
1# Traditional Bold Statements
These are probably the kind of statements most people think of when speaking of affirmations. Confident, bold and defiant. Saying statements like the ones below can feel tremendous in the right setting but bear in mind they can also sometimes feel a bit unnatural depending on the relationship you have with yourself at the moment. Have a go, if they don’t invigorate you or feel good then don’t worry, I have some other varieties you can try later:
“I am Confident”
“I am Capable”
“I am Worthy”
“I am Lovable”
“I am Unstoppable”
“I am Indomitable”
“I am Passionate”
“I am Fire”
“I am Hungry for Life”
“Money comes easily to me”
“I overcome all my challenges with ease”
2# Nurturing Statements
What I’ve discovered – and I’m sure many others would agree – is that if you are going through a tough patch the bold statements can feel really jarring. You feel like you are an impostor or that you’re just kidding yourself on.
In those Instances I personally prefer softer and more nurturing statements. For example if you’re limiting belief is that you aren’t good enough/likeable, then a statement like “I am confident” can feel a bit off. Changing it to “ I am more worthy than I realise” “People like me because I am a genuine person”. Then this can feel more truthful-sounding to you and justifiable in a doubtful mood. Here are some softer ones you may like to use:
“I care about others and that is refreshing to other people”
“People enjoy being around me, They are put at ease with my genuine nature”
“I am a wee ball of light”
“I am more than my thoughts”
“I am more than what I perceive”
“I am more loved than I know, everyday I will absorb that truth”
“I am more capable than I feel”
“Every day, in every way, I’m getting better and better”
“I welcome self doubt and discomfort, they are a sign that I’m growing”
“I quietly succeed and that is still success”
“Everything is a blessing or a lesson, I am not a victim of my life”
3# The Doubtless Statements
Another way to begin affirmations is to start your list with things you absolutely know to be true, this gives you momentum which you can carry on to more bold statements on your list. This will be personal to you so please choose statements you absolutely know to be true For example:
“I am a caring Mum/Dad”
“I am a loving Wife/Husband”
“I am a valuable friend”
“I have a great work ethic”
“I am fiercely loyal”
“ I have nice ____” (hair, bum, legs whatever you would like to remind yourself)
“My body’s an amazing system, heals/repairs all by itself. I’m truly grateful for all my body does for me”
“I am always growing, even when it doesn’t feel like it”
4# The Fun Statements
Fun statements are a nice way to lighten the mood and let your inner child shine through. It’s my belief, that as an adult we don’t like to say overly positive things about ourselves. However, as a child it was much easier to say “I’m really funny” “I’m really good at this game” “I’m the best in the world at running”. Kids believe it and they let nothing hold them back. As an adult, reality has stung us a little. But it’s still so important to keep that self love and curiosity alive, it’s with openness and willingness to believe that we achieve so much more.
“I am a wee ball of love and light!”
“I am fricking amazeballs”
“I am a belter!”
“I am a life adventurer”
“I am a hoot!”
“I’m an unstoppable force to be reckoned with”
“I am a warrior princess”/ “I am Hercules!”
“I am a beautiful soul”
“Just fricking watch me Universe! I’ve decided I’m awesome today!”
“Hawd my drink Universe, I’m going in for the kill today”
“Thanks Universe for the challenges you’ve sent me, off to obliterate them now!”
5# The Introspective or Reflective Statements
A really cool technique is actually to ask your subconscious “Why?”. When you ask a question, your brain unconsciously searches for the correct answer. We commonly ask ourselves negative questions like “Why am I such a div?!” “Why do I always embarrass myself” “Why do I always fail”– we’ve had more practice at questions like that, we’ve been asking them our whole adult lives. Answers come easily like “You’re lazy!” , “You’re not cut out for that!” etc. But it’s not necessarily true.
Here’s an example. You may know someone or you yourself have been someone who was in a toxic relationship. Being told every day that you are worthless or asked “why are you so thick?”. When you’re told something enough you WILL believe it. No matter how strong or resilient you try to – repetitive programming will sink in.
Is it possible that you are in a toxic relationship with your inner voice? Maybe your self talk is programming you behind the scenes to absolutely believe the answers you decide for yourself.
So now that you know the above is true, you must realise the reverse is true right? Asking yourself “Why am I so good at this” forces your brain to go and find the answer deep in your subconscious, even if it’s not a loud voice that shouts back, behind the scenes you are reversing your negative programming- even if you don’t feel a difference at first, stick with it for a 12 weeks at least for it to really absorb into your being, chances are your loved ones will notice the change in you before you allow yourself to!
“Why am I so at ease in social situations?”
“Why do I love early mornings?”
“Why do I feel so confident these days?”
“Why am I so loveable?”
“Why am I so good at finding solutions?”
“Why am I such a valuable worker/ part of the team?”
“Why am I so important to my loved ones happiness?”
“Why am I so needed?”
“Why am I so much fun?”
“Why am I so easy to get on with?”
“Why am I enough?”
How strong a hold can Limiting Beliefs have over you?
In certain countries baby elephants are captured and taken away from their mothers. One end of a rope is tied around their neck and the other is tied around a huge peg which is driven firmly into the ground. When it is young it fights and fights to break free and being an intelligent animal, it realises “I don’t have the strength to escape”. As it grows into an adult elephant it is now more than capable to pull the now puny-seeming peg from the ground. But it doesn’t even try. The Elephant develops a limiting belief, it is programmed to think it can’t escape and so it never tries and never learns it’s true strength. If it had the same curiosity as it had as a baby but with the same strength it has an adult, then it would 100% succeed. Could this be true for you?
Affirmation Exercise
After reading through this guide try your hand at writing 5-10 affirmations. I would do it in this order:
Write down 1-3 of each:
“Doubtless Statements” about yourself
“Nurturing Statements” about yourself
“Bold Traditional Statements” that completely counteract your personal Limiting Belief
“Fun Statements” that make you smile
“Reflective Questions” that will directly challenge your Limiting Belief
Start writing and see what comes up. Say them out loud and see what feels good (especially for the nurturing and fun ones! They are there to make you feel good and gain momentum for the bold ones). Once you have a list, trial it out each morning and/or night and make tweaks along the way, this is something you will perfect and personalise as you go!
Feel free to share your affirmation list or chat to me about anything you are stuck on. If you’d like to discuss this further book in for a free guidance call where we can chat about what you may need to do to move forward.
Be patient with yourself, you’ve listened to your inner negative voice for many years, it takes gradual, consistent practice to reprogram. Good luck”
Shiv Xx
